Attention, football! My love for you is not conditional on you “learning” from the Olympics. In fact, it’s not conditional. Honestly, darling, you’re like a child to me in that way. I will love you whatever – even when you’re naughty, even when I’m cross, even when it sounds like I’m really disappointed in you. (It might feel confusing at the time, but in some ways those are the moments I love you the most.) In fact, I will love you even if it all gets a bit We Need To Talk About Football. I’ll still come and visit you in whatever maximum-security place they’re keeping you, after whatever horrendous thing it is you’ve done.
Related: Rio 2016: Guardian writers pick their favourite Olympic moments
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